On Friday morning, April 7th, my sister, Judy, arrived in Dallas for a visit. I have been after her to visit more often, if not to see me then to see her mother, but her activities and responsibilities in Elon usually seem to get in the way. But she was finally able to free up a weekend, and I was very happy about that.
The pictures in this section were all taken during her visit. If you would like to see more of her visit, including more pictures of her and Mother, you can follow the link at the end of this section.
Friday, April 7
After picking up Judy from the airport, she and I went right to the Bentley Manor to see her Mother. It was just a short while before lunch, and when we got to the Bentley Manor one of the aides had already brought Mother down to the dining room for lunch. So we sat down with her so we could chat and then help her with her lunch. The pictures below were all taken while we were talking before lunch. To see the full-size picture, just click on the thumbnail.
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We went back to visit Mom again at dinnertime so Judy could see what that particular routine was like, but I didn't take any pictures at that visit.
Saturday, April 8
On Saturday, with Fred in tow, we went back to the Bentley Manor for lunchtime with Mother. Conversation with my Mom has gotten very, very difficult. She has an actual mental condition known as "anomia," where the person tends to forget common nouns. This condition is rare in young people, I read, and may happen only after some specific brain trauma. But in the elderly, the condition is more common. Try having a conversation with someone in which you leave out all the nouns or use the wrong one. Sometimes, the listener can figure out the meaning, as when my Mom once referred to a "tissue" (Kleenex) as a "nose-minder." More often than not, though, she might say something like "I need a..." at which point the sentence trails off and she places her hand at the spot on the table where she is in the habit of putting a tissue when she brings one with her. (Indeed, she used to do that regularly, but now does not remember to carry them when brought from her room.)
In any event, conversation is almost impossible if the subject is any more complex than her wanting something in particular, or telling me that she's done eating or has to go to the bathroom or something like that. You can see what I mean about conversation by looking at a movie I made of some conversation with Mom (using the left-hand player, below). As I was taking the movie, the battery on my camera died and I had to put in a new one. This explains some of the conversation between Judy, Fred and I when I began filming a continuation of the conversation a moment later (use the right-hand player, below, to view). As you can tell, in the ten or fifteen seconds that it took me to replace the battery, Mom had quite forgotten what she had been saying, or even that she had been talking.
We took in a movie after leaving Mom, but we returned to check on her again in the evening. I know that Judy might have felt a bit burnt-out at being at the Bentley Manor so much, but that was the primary purpose of my sending her a ticket to come out here; there is not going to be that much more time she will have to spend with her Mom, and I want her to make the most of it.
Sunday, April 9
Sunday was pretty much a repeat of Saturday, in that we met Mom for lunch and dinner, and, again, I took all of my pictures and films at lunch.
One of the problems my Mom has, and one which I share to some extent, is that when she eats (actually, when she chews) her nose tends to run. We've tried daily antihistamines, but they do not seem to help much. Most of us would simply use a tissue to blow maybe once or twice during a meal, but Mom has basically lost that ability. All she can do is dab at her nose when necessary, and that seems to be just about between bites now. That is why she need a tissue handy, and that is why she goes through two or three of them at each meal and that is one reason why it takes her so long to eat. A runny nose also causes her to sneeze (I think it is a sneeze) or cough (sometimes I can't tell the difference), and so the meal is interrupted for quite some time on occasion. If you're of a mind to see what I mean, you can watch a movie of Mom dealing with her nose problem using the player at left.
After lunch, we went back to Mom's room to spend some time with her prior to a visit to the Arboretum. Judy had grabbed a banana on the way out of the dining room, remembering that Mom used to eat them frequently. There is a picture of Judy offering the banana to Mom
here.
I took a number of pictures of Mom or of Judy and Mom while we were in the room, and you can see them below. To see the full-size picture, just click on the thumbnail.
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And here are two more movies I made of my Mom today:
Mom Eating a Banana
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Mom's Efforts at Conversation
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November 11, 2006: I Visit With Mom
Since Fred and I were heading off to Florida on November 12th, I wanted to make sure that I stopped by to see Mother. When I am gone for more than a few days, there is always the possibility that one of her medications might run out, but I also just like to make as sure as I can that she knows I will be gone and for how long. Whether that information sticks around with her I can't be sure, but I think at least some of it does.
I decided to take my camera to record my visit. At left is a picture of my Mother in the dining room at the Bentley Manor, ready for lunch.
I also decided to take a movie of Mom at her table in the dining room, conversing with me before lunch, and you can view that movie with the player at right.
December 6, 2006: Mom's Birthday
Well, its the day before Pearl Harbor Day, and that can mean only one thing- it's my Mom's birthday.
Here is Mom in the dining room at the Bentley Manor as we are waiting for the first course of her birthday lunch. I've arranged with Sandy, the Activities Director, to allow me to bring a large birthday cake over for Mom and all the residents. I ordered it yesterday at Sam's and have picked it up this morning and brought it over. I've asked them to mention that dessert today would be "Olga's Birthday Cake," but I don't think they have any printed menus today. Well, perhaps I can say something when lunch is served.
I arrived here about eleven o'clock this morning, and have spent some time talking with Mom in her apartment, and reminiscing just a bit about when she was born and how old she is. Here is
Mother in her apartment
a half-hour before lunch.
Trying to engage her in conversation, which is difficult due to the fact that she has forgotten a good many common nouns, I thought I would take a movie and let her say "Hello" to Judy, but the movie didn't exactly work out as planned; Mom wasn't being a very cooperative straight man today. You can watch this movie with the player at right.
Anyway, here is another picture of
Mom in her apartment
before lunch.
We got down to the dining room in plenty of time for lunch, after stopping by a couple of tables where there were ladies who wanted to wish Mom a happy birthday. I did our usual routine and got her
all set for lunch.
Before lunch began, I took a movie of here in the dining room and the residents who were ready for lunch. You can watch that movie using the player at left. Actually, they were just beginning to bring around the salad course when I took the movie. I put the camera away while I helped Mom get her bearings during lunch. Each day, at least for the first time, she seems to need to be told where each thing is- fork, spoon, plate of food, drink, napkin, Kleenex and so on. Sometimes, once is enough and she can find the thing again from memory. But there are other days when she seems more "foggy" than usual and I, or an aide, have to help her a great deal.
After lunch, and before we went back to her apartment, I took her out to the lobby so I could get a couple of pictures of Mom with the Bentley Manor Christmas trees (they have a large one and a smaller one- why two, I don't know), and you can see those pictures
here
and
here.
Then I wheeled her over to where six or seven ladies are always congregated after meals to watch the front door and lobby and the various comings and goings, and I got her in the middle of that
group of residents.
We sat there and chatted for a while longer, and then I took her back to her apartment. All in all, her birthday lunch went well, and she seemed to enjoy herself, her lunch, my being there and her cake and ice cream (not necessarily in that order). I left her in her room a while later and headed over to Greg's condo to help him do some unpacking.
December 25, 2006: Mom at Christmas
On Christmas Day, I was having some friends over for Christmas dinner, but they were not set to arrive until one o'clock. So, after I got things cooking, and after Fred and I had exchanged most of our gifts, we went up to the Bentley Manor to wish my Mom a Merry Christmas and to be with her during at least part of her lunch.
Fred had thoughtfully gotten my Mom a box of Russell Stover chocolates. She used to like them a great deal, and Fred was nice to remember that. When we got there, Mom was still in her apartment, so we sat and talked with her for a while. Fred gave her the candy and then
helped her open the box,
at which point I got a nice picture of
Fred and my Mom
with her Christmas gift.
While we were there in the room, I snapped another picture of
Mom,
as well as a movie of Fred offering Mom her first piece of Christmas candy, a movie you can watch with the player at right.
We accompanied Mom to lunch and while we were waiting, my niece Jeffie happened to call. We had a nice chat and she got to converse a bit with her grandmother. Then, a few minutes later, we placed a call to my sister Judy, and again Mom was able to wish her a Merry Christmas and get the same wishes in return. Here are
Mom and I at lunch
and a picture of
Mom at Christmas.
We had to cut our visit a bit short in order to be home by the time that Lou arrived, so we left when Mom started on her ice cream.
December 31, 2006: Mom on New Year's Eve
Well, it's been a long year for my Mom. She's been at the Bentley Manor the entire year and, while they've taken good care of her, I can tell that she has gone "downhill" quite a bit. Healthwise, she's been OK for her age, with no major problems, although we have had a few trips to the hospital for infections and to check her out after a fall. But like the Energizer bunny, her body keeps going and going.
Mentally, though, she is much worse than she was at the beginning of the year. I can rarely understand what she is telling me, the words she uses are so far from the ones she means to use. Her anomia has gotten worse, and most common nouns are gone- at least from use in their familiar context. Undoubtedly, part of the problem is the lack of mental stimulation she gets, and no amount of having her attend things she can listen to seems to help.
Eating is also becoming increasingly difficult, and it may be that at some point I will have to arrange for someone to actually feed her. We don't even attempt to use plates now, but I always cut everything up and put it in a large bowl; it is simply too difficult to watch her chase things around a plate.
Anyway, it's New Year's Eve and I am here with Mom at lunch. I took a few pictures and a movie, and you can click on the thumbnails to see the full-size images:
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I also made what I think is a pretty good movie of my mom, and you can watch that movie using the player at left.
You can use the links below to continue to another photo album page.
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